I realize more and more everyday how little this society, and humans in general, try to understand.
We have such a strict ignorance, that comes from nothing, except tradition.
There is no attempt to understand Diversity.
Homosexuality.
Religions.
Music.
Love.

I'm so frustrated, especially, with those who try to be "politically correct"
and its come to the point, you are either "politically correct" or "morally corrupt"

My Girlfriend of a year and half; committed suicide on September 19, 2003.

Can you feel tension yet?

She was not recognized as a leader in her community.
Or for her numerous hours of service work.
Or her 3.8 GPA
She was not recognized for her multiple achievements in one of the hardest male-dominated sports; wrestling.

This wonderfully caring, full of hope for the world, young woman; who was abandoned by a coke-head father, and hardly supported by an alcoholic SLUT of a mother; who raised herself... was not recognized for anything of the type.

This beautiful figure should have left footprints in the history books with her overwhelming angelic works.
She was musically inclined in a way I will remain forever jealous. And she always had a smile on her face, even when she was just spat upon by an ignorant on-looker.

You would think a person of such high personality would be looked upon with love and sympathy by her community.
NO
The headline read:
GAY TEEN COMMITS SUICIDE IN BROKEN HOME.

Those disgusting pigs were just happy that there was another gay teen off the streets, so they couldn't prey on their "wonderfully cherub" children.

When in reality;
Sarah was the one who tutored their lazy ignorant kids whenever the teacher gave up on them.
She was the last one to come in at night whenever a little girl lost her new kitten.
She walked to a nursing home from school everyday to visit with the empty-hearted residence who the community ignored completely.



And what kills me the most, is that her FAMILY was too engulfed in explaining to their kids what "GAY" means: THEY NEVER WENT TO HER CEREMONY.

It was me, holding up a soaked vodka sponge of a mother.

And tomorrow, September 13, 2009.
Should be her 20th birthday.


I was getting a tattoo of her power animal, a raven. Today. A memorial for the most outstanding individual I have even met, and ever will meet in my entire life.

But of course, the universe fucked me over again, and under the most bull shit circumstances I have ever heard, I cannot get it today.
Or on the day of her 7th anniversary.

And my heart tried to reach out to anyone who would even relatively understand.
Apparently the strings of my heart cant reach very far.
I found no one.

So I sit here, in college, on a Saturday.
Alone, in this dark room, silently wrapping my mind about where society turns, and hell begins.


Why do we get pushed so far from each other? To a point so fine: we feel it we reach one hand over this line... reach to someone we don't quite understand...

we feel we will BURST our little murky bubbles of security that was
instilled to us by our "ever-caring, protective" guardians.

Well let me tell you something.
Whoever is bored enough with their "blissfully ignorant" lives.
I am quite arguably one of the most paradoxical people you will meet.

I am Russian by heritage.
Catholic by family.
So opposed to socialism its not even funny.
pro-life by morality.
pro-birth control by common sense.
Gay by birth.
Satisfied with life.
Happy with death.
Opera singer who listens to metal.
Teen in college, who hates formal education.


And its not painful to take that small step over that line of biased thinking you are so keen to observe.
I am not, by ANY means, saying that every human in the world is biased.
But we all have our partial opinions.
EVEN ME! I am completely turned off by straight people.
I have straight friends that i love dearly, but I will never feel comfortable around them. I will always see them as homophobic. I Still to this day don't know why.

Reach out, touch someone.
Look at someone differently.


If you really want to... "Luna" is a great book..
So is "Lies my teacher told me"
Expand your diversity. Start understanding love in a completely new way.
It's very eye opening, but frustrating at the same time.


for those, if any, who took the time to actually read this. Please comment. I'm completely open to any other thoughts, or ideals you would like to share